Here we are, week 2, continuing to navigate uncharted water, uncertain of what may be ahead of us, unclear of what is to come. Surprisingly, I have found that I am a busier than imagined I would be, albeit at a much slower pace. That sounds like an oxymoron I realize but it is true. I have found that I am seeking opportunities to grow and build upon skills that have collected some dust. I am finding new ways to incorporate technology into many of my current practices, sometimes with ease, sometimes the learning curve on this is STEEP! My brain is in a constant state of creating and processing.

I am adjusting to a time frame with no real boundaries, I can actually go to the bathroom when I need to, not just at recess and lunch, teachers out there…am I right? This, I confess, I really like! I am getting up early or sleeping a little later. I am taking my time with everything.  I dive deeply and get lost in a project and savor the time it takes to get it done rather than whiz through and hope it is good enough. I have the luxury of being able to read for hours or binge watch Netflix late into the night, even on a school night,  because tomorrow I still have time to get it all done (though I still fall asleep on the couch by 10:00 p.m.).  

This time frame with no real boundaries is not for everyone. This slower state is making some people mad, some crazy and some anxious and depressed.  Our world has been so over scheduled for so long and now that there is no schedule, people simply don’t know what to do with the time. I am mostly an extrovert and I like to have things to do. I thrive with people. I love my job and my creative work, all which has me out of my house and interacting with people, BUT I also love my downtime. Now, that is all we have, downtime. This can be isolating. It has been a huge shock to the system. There was no slow ease into it.   It was abrupt, sudden, immediate and sprinkled with an enormous amount of unknown and uncertainty that is causing serious discomfort.

But what if we all lean into it?  What if we take all the time we need before moving on to the next lesson, or activity, or project? What if we learn to relish this gift of time?  I have this constant odd feeling like I am in a fight scene in an action movie where everything switches to extreme slow mode, like in the Matrix, then it speeds back up?  You know the one I mean, right? The only difference is we are caught in the slowdown, the stillness. We are stuck here for the unforeseeable future. It is here that we need to find solace, for a while, before the pace picks back up, until it is safe to return to the speed of life before.

I worry for sure.  My parents are older, my family is large and widespread.  I have family members and dear friends that are already immunocompromised.  I worry about my students, and their families and other folks in the community where I work, where I live and world-wide.  I worry about co-workers and colleagues across the nation as we all figure out what to do to continue our job. I worry about all those people out of work and all the people still working in the public sector, unable to distance themselves from others. 

I worry… but that is not all I do, I also revel.  I revel in the stillness. I celebrate the silence when I get up early, when everyone else is still asleep and I am able to write my feelings down, to process what is going through my head.  I listen more carefully to the noises in my house and all around me. I have tuned back in to the soundtrack of our family unit, back together again under one roof. I hear the birds, more clearly, in the trees as I walk outside. I experience, more intently, new music and old favorites.  I feel the warmth of the welcomed sunshine on my face as I spend time outside reading, walking, or working while the weather is nice. I am taking time to taste and enjoy food, mostly prepared by my husband; there is no rushing to get out the door or to the next event on the calendar, no packing a lunch to eat later in a rushed  lunchroom. I am working hard to find calm in the storm by living presently, every minute. I am doing my best to give myself and those around me grace to do the same.

I do not see this as a time to change everything.  I am, instead, seeing it as a way to practice everything. I want to try more things I have only dabbled in, learn skills I need to be successful in this slowdown, practice the things I have neglected, and focus on the things that have been working but could be better.  This is time for professional and personal development, I am going to lean into it. The excuse, “If only I had more time…”, no longer applies, or at least not for now. So, go ahead, go slow, take your time because we may never have a gift of time like this again.

I title this entry Volume 1 as I imagine I will have more to write about as we navigate this never before time in our lives and world.  Nevertheless, I thought I would start this madness with something positive that I experienced. I know it is hard  to be at home, away from work, isolated, losing financial welfare, stressed about this-that-and-everything, to varying degrees.  But under the heaviness of this weighted blanket of emotional eruption I had the most amazing night with my children.  

At 18 and 20 my girls very rarely read for fun. They are both typically busy schooling and reading the mandated assignments.  However, I had a thought that I would start reading picture books to my students over the next few weeks in an effort to stay connected to my elementary kiddos.  I piled all my girl’s old picture books on the coffee table in anticipation of sorting the ones I would start reading to my students. Not long after, my girl’s came and sat down with me in the living room slowly picking up the books, squealing with delight or coo-ing with nostalgia,  remembering each story.

I shared my idea of virtually reading  to my students and they quickly jumped on board wanting to participate, too.  Addison, home from college, has online classes for the rest of her academic year but huge chunks of free time so she wanted something else to do.  Delaney still unsure what the next 6 weeks (+) of her senior year of high school might look agreed that this could be a fun project.

Suddenly, I was sitting across from them as they took turns reading these picture books that I read to them when they were younger.  They did the voices, they played some characters just like I had years ago, they added their own spin and enthusiasm to characters. I  was the audience. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL! We laughed so hard, we cried. We recalled events and times around each book, trying to remember who gave them these stories of their childhood.  Each girl shared their favorite and I was in heaven. 

I highly recommend this no matter what age your child is.  It was an experience that I never knew I was missing but I will be a memory I never forget.  They were pure perfection to my mother heart and soul. As I sat watching them with complete adoration, I was impressed with their poise and self-assuredness.  I had that “Father of the Bride” moment when I imagined them as their little girl selves, The reality is different; they are both such amazing women , no longer little girls.  My daughters are strong individuals, filled with light and dark, love and kindness, and I am so very lucky to know and love them deeply.  

It was just us.  No friends, no phones, no distractions… and it was fantastic.

I understand that this COVID-19 quarantine is hard, devastating, uncomfortable, aggravating etc. … I am not naive to that but there is beauty in this chaos.  If you have a moment to lift the weight of distress and peak at the creativity that is near, try it, you too might be amazed at the power of social distancing.